There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
