I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
