You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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