Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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