its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
