Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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