I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
