Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
