i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
