Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
