Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You are the jesus of drinking
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
