Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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