I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
