i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
