i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I cockslap morals
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
