I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
