ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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