My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
