ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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