saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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