Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We are two peas in an std pod
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
