Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
