Having a random hookup so left but love u
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
