roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
