You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
