Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
