last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
