Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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