I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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