It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
