So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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