Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
