I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
