I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
