Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
