First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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