I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
