I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
