I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
