So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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