Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
