You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
