Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
