three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
