How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
