pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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