Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
