i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
