good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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