I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
