No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
