the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
