we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
