Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
