im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
