I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
