Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
