I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
