Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
