Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
