So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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