I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
