Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
COCAINE IS GR8
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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