Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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